Why You're Stuck: The Hidden Truth About Making Real Changes in Your Life

You know that feeling.

You've decided—for real this time—that you're going to change your life. Maybe it's finally breaking free from that soul-crushing job. Perhaps it's taking control of your health after another night of ice cream and regret. Or it could be launching that business idea you've been sitting on for years.

Whatever it is, you're ready.

Except... weeks pass. Then months. And somehow, despite your best intentions, nothing has actually changed.

What the hell happened?

Here's what nobody tells you: Most people fail at creating lasting change not because they lack willpower, but because they're trying to sprint through a marathon.

I've seen it countless times with my clients (and experienced it myself more times than I'd like to admit). We assume change works like this:

But that's not how real, sustainable change actually works.

When I quit vaping, I didn't just wake up one day, throw away my vape, and never look back. I spent months in a mental tug-of-war, recognizing I needed to quit while simultaneously coming up with every excuse to continue. I researched methods, tried and failed, and questioned if I could really do it.

Sound familiar?

When you're trying to make significant changes in your life but keep hitting a wall, it's likely because:

What's fascinating about change is that it follows a predictable pattern—one that most people never learn about. And if you don't know the pattern, you'll keep trying to force change at the wrong time, in the wrong way.

When my clients first come to me saying they want to change their life but "can't seem to get started," they're often in this early stage. They recognize something needs to change, but they're not truly ready to commit.

This is where most people get stuck indefinitely.

I spent nearly a year in this phase with my health transformation. I knew I needed to move more, but kept thinking, "I'm too busy right now" or "I'll start when work slows down."

If this is you: Give yourself permission to explore what change might look like without pressuring yourself to take massive action yet. Ask yourself what's really holding you back—is it fear? Uncertainty? A belief that you can't succeed?

This is when you start actively weighing the pros and cons, gathering information, and considering what change might really look like.

When I was building my coaching business, I spent months in this phase—reading books, taking courses, getting an MBA in the Transformational Coaching Method, talking to other coaches. I was preparing mentally, even though from the outside it might have looked like procrastination.

If this is you: This is the perfect time to start small experiments, gather information, and build your confidence. Don't rush this phase—it's setting the foundation for your success.

Now you're making concrete plans and preparing your environment for change. You're not just thinking about it—you're lining up your resources and support.

When I decided to transform my relationship with movement, I didn't immediately jump into intense workouts. I first focused on improving my sleep quality and setting a modest goal of 2,000 daily steps. I prepared my environment by getting proper shoes and finding walking routes I enjoyed.

If this is you: Focus on creating the conditions for success. What small supports do you need? Who can help you? What obstacles can you remove now?

This is when you start implementing your plans consistently. It's exciting—but it's also where new challenges emerge.

When I was building up my movement habit, I gradually increased from 2,000 to 8,000 daily steps, and now maintain 10,000 steps plus regular bicycle rides. But this didn't happen overnight—it was a process of consistent, gradual increases.

If this is you: Remember that consistency trumps intensity. Focus on showing up regularly rather than perfectly. Celebrate small wins along the way.

Now you're working to integrate the changes into your identity and maintain them long-term.

This is where I am with my relationship with sugar now. I don't need to think about "resisting" ice cream binges anymore—I've developed a peaceful relationship with food that allows for occasional treats without triggering old patterns.

If this is you: Focus on identity-based habits ("I'm a person who prioritizes movement") rather than outcome-based goals ("I need to lose weight").

Here's the truth: If you've been trying to change and feeling stuck, you're not failing. You're likely just trying to skip stages.

It's like trying to harvest crops before you've planted seeds—it simply doesn't work that way.

When clients come to me frustrated about their inability to stick with healthy eating habits, I often discover they're trying to force themselves into action before they've mentally prepared. They're trying to skip right to Stage 4 when they haven't completed Stages 1-3.

Real, lasting change happens through a series of small, consistent actions aligned with the stage you're actually in. Here's how to approach it:

When I work with clients who want to break free from sugar addiction, we don't start with eliminating all sugar. Instead, we might begin with simply tracking current habits without judgment, then gradually introduce small changes aligned with where they truly are in their change journey. This approach focuses first on building self-efficacy—making and keeping small promises to yourself—which creates the confidence needed to tackle bigger changes later.

Change isn't about massive action or perfect execution. It's about understanding the natural evolution of transformation and working with it—not against it.

Whether you're trying to transform your health, career, relationships, or any other area of your life, the principles remain the same. Honor the stage you're in, take appropriate action for that stage, and trust the process.

If you're feeling stuck in creating meaningful change in your life and want personalized support to breakthrough, I'd love to help. I've guided countless clients through this process, helping them create lasting transformation in areas where they've struggled for years.

Book a discovery call with me for just $20 to explore how we can work together to create the changes you've been wanting to make. (I used to offer these for free, but found that a small investment ensures people show up ready to engage—which is actually the first step in building that self-efficacy we talked about!)

Remember: You're not failing at change. You might just be trying to change in a way that doesn't align with how change actually works. And that's something we can fix.

P.S. Sometimes the people who struggle most with change are the exact ones who get shit done in every other area of their lives. If you're used to powering through challenges with sheer determination, the subtle art of sustainable change might be the very skill you're missing. Let's talk about how to add this crucial tool to your arsenal.